(The picture really has nothing to do with the post. I just think she's cute)The times when I have experienced true happiness in my life have come from a special connection between heart, mind and mouth. This morning I started praying for a union between the three, some sort of truce in which they all proclaim, "Enough is enough. Let's get on the same page".
It is on rare occasion these three apparatuses (Did you know it is not apparati? So says Merriam-Webster. I wonder if it really is octopuses too? I digress.)
Anyway, these apparatuses rarely function in one fluid existence. The majority of time is spent convincing my heart that what my mouth says is truth while my mind is busy devising a plan to supersede both my emotions (heart) and opinions (mouth). The end result is usually an unsure heart, a mouth who's "truth" is often refuted and a mind who is... well losing its mind.
Enter faith. God. My favorite part.
He sees me down here, floundering, and takes the time to present the proverbial smack upside the head coupled with the Fatherly, "Dude. Relax. I've got this."
Instant resolve. Instant peace.
Why doesn't this happen more often? Simple. Because I still think I can be in control. I can be the driver, the navigator and the mechanic all in one. Then I struggle, stress and scream when things don't go the way I planned. When the entire time, if I just took a step back and realized what I've been shown before, the whole mess I've created for myself really wouldn't be that bad.
Example of the day. Military deployments. Let's just say the military gave an arbitrary date of September 1st as they day my husband will return home. Mistake #1: Believing this date to be true. September 1st has come and gone. I am left in the same position I was prior to Sept 1 (sitting here waiting for Alex to come back and not really knowing when that might be). Mistake #2: Allowing my mind to develop a plan that involves fully-functional military aircraft (oxymoron) and a speedy return. Convincing my heart that it will only be a few more hours. And electing my mouth to be the spokesman for the "Let-me-tell-you-how-this-situation-will-be-resolved" campaign. Mistake #3: Continuing to move throughout the week as if all my preparations and campaign promises will really be put into action.
I've spent 48 hours beating myself up. Losing sleep. Trying to fix things out of my control. And of course eating everything in sight. (Why can't I be one of those melancholy people who don't like to eat? Why do I have to be the "please pass the ENTIRE red velvet cake over here so I can wallow in self pity" type? I digress.)
Enter the proverbial a*s kicking.
I woke up this morning and immediately felt relief. I knew Alex would not be home today. And he probably won't be home tomorrow. And that's okay. Because it is not up to me, Alex or even the US Army when he will return. It's in God's hands. I gave everything over to Him and said, "Fine. You think You're a big shot and You can handle all this stress - go for it" (I didn't say I'd hand it over nicely). His response was simple, "Dude. Relax. I've got this".
