A Struggle for Independence

A new phase of life has begun in our house.

Independence.

I have been preparing myself. I read the parenting websites, I have spoken to seasoned veterans. All of my sources have warned of this impending life experience. But who is ever prepared? How can you really be ready for your child to tell you "No Mom, I don't need you. I've got this"?

Yes, she is only 15-months-old. I do realize she does still need me (for nothing else at least as a chauffeur to the mall). But it was just one month ago that she had the courage to get up and take her first steps. She clung to my hand, timidly taking a few steps before clutching my leg for support. Now she will only take my hand if I beg and is tired of walking. She wants to run.

This morning as I dropped her off at daycare she gave me a hug and toddled away. Something I am always grateful for, because I would hate if she had trouble letting go. It is funny that now I am the one having trouble.

I try to find comfort in knowing other working mothers are going through the same struggles. There is support out there, in the forms of online discussions, meeting groups or websites. I am not alone. But if we're just being honest, it's really not reassuring that another mother struggles too, it just makes it suck twice as much.

What I do find comfort in is the belief that everything happens for a reason. I trust that God has a plan for our family. That plan may not always move in the direction we want it to, but I have faith that the outcome will be one that is right for us.

As for my little baby, I mean toddler, she is loving the world around her these days. Everything is new and wonderful. Each new event becomes an adventure in discovery. Even daily routines are another chance to practice developing skills. Her independence is giving her a confidence that could only come from, well, being independent. I guess maybe I am learning new things about myself as well; things only she could teach me.