The Jealous Type

Envy has brought me back to the blogosphere. Pure and unadulterated envy.

I thought when Alex came home I would find the time to blog more, design more, relax... no never really considered the last one would be an option. But I did think I would get a break once in awhile and find time to keep up with the crafting and the writing.

Since he's been back however we've been busier than ever. I love it. Truly. Wouldn't change a thing. Until I stumble upon this alternate universe and desperately want a life-makeover.

You see, I have been silently stalking {and admiring} a group of women who have managed to attain my Holy Grail of life status. #1 They {most likely} work from home... their charming, perfectly manicured, magazine-decorated homes. #2 The manage to keep their plethora of children always smiling, sans snotty noses, well dressed and willing to pose for a camera (and somehow they are all prodigies in the realm of photography). #3 They somehow find the time (and income) to shop constantly, find wicked bargains and create insanely awesome crafts/blogs/websites/graphic designs. {frustrated sigh}

I'm in high school... they're the cool crowd. I'm the band nerd holding the trumpet with {what I'd like to imagine} hidden potential.

WTF? On one blog (that will remain nameless solely for the fact that I'm about to do some trash-talking) the woman devotes an entire post to how she ties a scarf. Are you serious? Then she posts pictures of her recently decorated nursery (of which she SELLS her design ideas), handmade holiday cards (starting at $130) and all the comments are "oooh how cute", "just placed my order", "I love you" and other ridiculousness.

Bitter much? Whatever, I fully disclosed this was an envy driven post. So quit judging.

I think I'm going to start fresh. And by fresh I mean A) completely copy this lifestyle or B) steal their SSN, hunky firefighter husband and overwhelmingly adorable sense of style. Hmmm... I see a potential Lifetime movie brewing here.

ENTER JESSICA'S GAME PLAN

New blog. Not sure what it's going to be yet.

New career path. Not much planning has gone into that either.

New wardrobe. Ehh, that's still a pipe dream.

Stay tuned. Big changes. Tell your friends. Or don't... I don't need the added pressure to perform.

The first bit of alone time I've had.... I am hiding inside of a ticket booth waiting until my next pageant begins. This is my life?

Oh well, at least I've got a free minute! So many people have asked me how life is since Alex has returned from deployment. To me, this is such an odd question. Why would life be anything but fantastic since he's been home? The weeks have slowly progressed to normalcy and every day brings something new to look forward to. When we first brought him home, however I was very unsure of what to expect.

Addie and I arrived at the airfield an hour earlier than necessary, mainly because the anticipation was just too much. Neither of us knew what to expect and with her I thought upon seeing him she'd either be completely excited or super shy.

The men began to get off the bus, and all around us people began shouting. This startled her but did not phase her. Then she saw Alex. And went comatose. Just froze. No talking, no movement, just stared straight ahead.

Minutes passed and we weren't sure what to do. So I finally picked her up and the three of us sat inside away from the commotion. We talked slow, tried to explain the situation and I suggested he read to her. It's something she really enjoys doing and she usually gets pretty talkative while reading.

She just sat there.

Then I pulled out her Daddy-doll. Our friend Ashlee gave Addie a doll dressed in camo that you could insert the picture of your soldier where the face was. She carried the thing everywhere while Alex was away, played with him, slept with him. He was the perfect comfort to her.

When I pulled out the doll her face lit up. "Daddy!" she cried. Alex looked like he wanted to toss the doll across the room.

"Addie, look." I said, holding the doll up to Alex's face. I pointed to the doll, "Who is this?"

"Daddy"

"And who is this?" I asked pointing to Alex.

Silence.

This would be harder than I thought.

"Look, Addie." I tried to reason as I sat her Daddy doll next to Alex. "Big Daddy. Little Daddy. Same".

Silence.

It was getting late and Alex had to return to his team to collect his things. Addie and I were going to play at the park while he was gone. Still without speaking Addie got up and followed us out to the car. We drove to Alex's building and as he got out she called out:

"Bye Daddy".

Ever since then, she's become a regular Daddy-shadow. It just took a little bit to sink in.